<style> cal-border { border: 1px solid #ffffff; } .tblog-all-border{ border-top: 9px solid #666666; border-right: 9px solid #666666; border-bottom: 9px solid #666666; border-left: 9px solid #666666; background: silver; } .tblog-side-border{ border-right: 9px solid #666666; border-bottom: 9px solid #666666; border-left: 9px solid #666666; background: #EEEEEE; } .tblog-side-nav-links{ font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; color: #000000; width: 135px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-style: solid; border-left-style: none; border-bottom-color: #000000; text-decoration: none; padding: 3px; } .tblog-side-nav-links:hover{ font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; color: #ffffff; width: 135px; text-decoration: none; background: #000000; padding: 3px; } h1 { color: black; font-family: Verdana; } a { color: black; } td { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; } body { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11 px; background: #eee url("bg-fill.gif"); } .tblog-content { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; line-height: 22px; color: black; } .tblog-content-back { background: white; } .tblog-subject { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 3px; color: #336699; background: #98C54B; } </style> <script language="JavaScript">  </script> </head> <body leftmargin="0" topmargin="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" class="tblog-body" bgcolor="silver"> <table width="620" height="125" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" class="tblog-all-border"><h1>My Blog Site</h1> <p class="tblog-content">by: <strong>username</strong></p></td> </tr> </table> <table width="620" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td width="135" valign="top" class="tblog-side-border"> <p><strong>Archives</strong><br> <a href="archive/2005/02/">2005 February</a><br /> <a href="archive/2005/01/">2005 January</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/12/">2004 December</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/11/">2004 November</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/10/">2004 October</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/09/">2004 September</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/08/">2004 August</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/07/">2004 July</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/06/">2004 June</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/05/">2004 May</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/04/">2004 April</a><br /> </p><strong>MyLinks</strong><br> <a href="http://tangoland.com/">Red Tango</a><br> <a href="http://www.bust.com">Bust</a><br> <a href="http://www.austincraftmafia.com/">Austin Craft Mafia!</a><br> <a href="http://www.shopodd.com">The cotton factory</a><br> <a href="http://www.palmercash.com">Palmer Cash Tees</a><br> <a href="http://">Favorite bands!!!!</a><br> <a href="http://www.thecure.com">The Cure!!!</a><br> <a href="http://www.bobschneidermusic.com/">Bob schneider</a><br> <a href="http://www.blacktiedynasty.com">Black Tie Dynasty</a><br> <a href="http://www.toriamos.com">Tori</a><br> <a href="http://www.fleetwoodmac.com/home.php">fleetwood mac</a><br> <a href="http://www.gypsytearoom.com">The Gypsy Tea Room</a><br> <a href="http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bangbangbang.shtml">Funny Link</a><br> <a href="http://">READS</a><br> <a href="http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/gibran1.htm">Juan Cole's Kahlil Gibran Page</a><br> <a href="http://www.rainn.org/">rainn</a><br> <a href="http://www.henriettapusykat.blogspot.com">My Old Blog</a><br> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Cyprus/2253/Goddesses.html">Goddesses</a><br> <a href="http://www.heartless-bitches.com/">Heartless bitches</a><br> <a href="http://www.cafeshops.com/hillary1469">Massage Shop</a><br> <a href="http://www.massagewarehouse.com">massage warehouse</a><br> <a href="http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/sugirl06/my_photos">TIFF'S PIX</a><br> <a href="http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/henriettapusykat21/my_photos">My Pictures</a><br> <a href="http://www.lormusic.com">tiff's boyfriends band in FL.</a><br> <a href="http://www.elite-massage.us">Elite</a><br> <p align="left"><TBLOG_SIDE_NAV></p></p> <p> <div align="center"></div></p> </td> <td valign="top" class="tblog-content-back"> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td class="tblog-content" valign="top"> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>fuck!!!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">02.01.05 (12:30 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>Not much going on... I hate this weather! It sucks so bad. It makes me wish I were in a nice tropical place like maui or figi or some where other than here. But Im not So I guess I just have to live with it. Its wet and cold and it might even snow. Major bummer. I ran in to eliza today- not to comfortable. I can't belive they are discontinuing Lemon Tea! that was my favorite!</P><br><P>TATA</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/390459"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>I know what boys like, I know what guys want...</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">01.25.05 (10:30 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> My hands are hurting sooo much and my whole body is jacked up. Its gross! Just complaining... In other news, I am becoming very desireable...HAHAHA- yeah, The boys love me. I am practically fighting one off with a stick- trying to be friendly-but not too friendly. then there's always mark...He'll always be there. And then there's Ern. but he is very reclusive these days. Damn. what to do- I am going to ignore them all and just do my thing. </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/385912"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>movin' along-</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">01.18.05 (5:22 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>strange how things seem one way but really they are completely different. To one person, a situation may look grim but to another it may be a new begining. I love my new atmosphere and I love doing the things I do. I love the people I am around... Even though I don't really know them. I can seen goodness in people-In all people- even if they don't know how to act, or they treat me badly, I forgive because I can see the goodness in them.</P><br><P>Im scared for tomarrow- but also really excited. Check it out! this is an awesome site! (and where im working)</P><br><P><A href="http://www.elite-massage.us/">www.elite-massage.us</A></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/381691"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>Amor vincit omnia!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">01.10.05 (3:10 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>Today was a wonderful day. I met an inspiring person and tingled with goosebumps- She is a "mentor" type. I love meeting people who change your way of looking at things-One conversation and you can feel different.</P><br><P>BETTER- better for knowing someone like them. I have had a taste of what my life COULD be- and I want it more than anything. I want more change... I want progression- I want release- I know I have chosen the right path but I have to stay on course- Its so easy for me to stray. Massage therapy is my passion-Massage changes lives- </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/377091"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>mistake</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">01.05.05 (12:17 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>alright- at some point things have got to get grounded- Im just wainting for this to happen. PLEASE GOD! MAKE SOME PART OF MY LIFE STABLE. Or I should learn to do this on my own. I have decided to make sure I go on the right path- towards something I want. I have the ability, I just don't do it. I choose the wrong way everytime. I am not going to do it any more.I WILL NOT DO IT ANY MORE!!!!</P><br><P>This LIfe don't last forever-</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/374421"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>merry chistmas...</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">12.20.04 (9:20 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P># of cigarettes smoked in the last 2 days : 1/2 - GO ME!</P><br><P> </P><br><P>My grandparents are in town now! Ive been hanging out with them for the past few days. You know when you miss people so bad when they're not around and then when they are you wish you had time alone? I guess it's just human nature, never happy with what you have at the moment. Our little dog is having seisures and my mom is totally freaking out. She love this dog more than anything in the whole world ( sometimes I think she loves it more than me.) I think this is gonna be the begining of the end for coconut. Also cara's grandmother past away last night. Very Sad at my house today. Im taking a major break from every thing right now. Trying to get back to where I once was. Happy, care free, relaxed... Its alot harder than I thought it was going to be. I did just as the doctor told me and quit one of my jobs. (Aveda) Diane was totally cool about it and wants me to come up there and visit her, and go out for "drinks" haha in my case water... But I thought that was really sweet.</P><br><P>I begin training again on tuesday-tomarrow @ the body wrap shop and then start back up after christmas. I want to be super positive about this job... I can make lots of money here! its 40 hours per week @ 9.50 plus commission and every massage I do I get an extra 20.00 plus my tip. I think that would be KICK ASS- plus my other job on monday's and tuesday's. Hellooo financial security and my own apartment! I think if I can just convince myself of a few things than everything will be fabulose! I want to go see a hypnotherapist! Oddly enough I know one. I want to try it. </P><br><P>Im taking another class @ school on the 9th! Hot stone Massage! Im sooo excited! I also think Im gonna get a massage table 4 christmas... Im almost positive but not totally sure. that will be wonderful!</P><br><P>But the most wonderful thing of all is the reevaluation of a very unhappy person in my life. Someone I thought would be perfect for me, but turned out to be the worst possible match ever. I still love him. Like Ive said before, I beleive you can love someone you don't trust. You can still love some one and not like their actions. I pray for him and hope he finds what he's looking for. I hope he can one day understand that it's not having money and a nice car that makes you happy (it helps) but when you have no one to share your life with because you were to scared to take a real chance. something real- not just a possiblilty-like "maybe" an opportunity "might" come along. You can't live on maybes or mights-and neither can I. So I have decided to remove myself and all of my efforts to make things work with this perticular man so I can be open minded to all other "maybes" or "mights" that will turn in to something real. Will we still be friends- of course- but that will be the extent of our " relationship"</P><br><P>I know that everythings going to be better from now on.</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/365071"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>fist full of diamonds? Thanks!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">12.10.04 (11:47 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>Feeling gross again...not cool. Not new, but still very uncool. I had a panic attack during my interview yesterday but hid it very well. The worst feeling in the world is when someone is droneing on and on about a boring subject in a monotone voice-and in your head everything starts to swirl together. Nothing makes any sence but you have to pretend that you care and understand what that person is saying. Your heart starts to race and your palms get sweaty, then your hands start to shake. You feel like you just want to scream and run as fast as you can-just get away-from everything and everyone. But i just sat there. Because I had to keep it under control. My baby's not doing very well, I miss him but he's freakin out. Its best to let him calm down for a few days- possibly another week. I just keep hoping that things will get better after christmas, Just keep telling myself that after christmas is over everything will be better and go back to life as ususal ( but hopefully better) I need to go to the doctor and get every test known to man run so that I can be normal, and that can't happen till after christmas. Stop working @ the mall... Have a normal sch. everyday- and focus on promoting massage ( now that I will have a table) Quit smoking, Join a gym so I can stop sleeping all the time and just feel better. Smoking is gross and sometimes painfull. which I am now finding out. If you don;t smoke- Dont ever start. thats my words of wisdom for today.</P><br><P> </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/358598"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>GOO!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">12.06.04 (8:58 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> Ive been sick and now im feeling much better- Haven't written in here in a long time! work sucks (as usual) But I love my managers! They are awesome. Tanz-n-handz is really slow, but ive got an interview for the body wrap shop in downtown dallas! On tuesday.Tuesday will be a very busy day! Interview, then TNH, and then Im working at presbyterian( spelling sucks) hospital. Chistmas is gonna blow because I can't afford to buy presents and pay my bills...What the F am I gonna do??? Major stress!Anyways, I hope everyone is having a great holiday season! Im making lots of New Years resolutions this year! It should be a blast- uh... yeah, My first one is to enjoy life (because I dont) </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/355449"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>Ouchy!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">11.18.04 (1:11 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>Give me money!!!! I need some real bad.</P><br><P>Things are going alright. I had lots of fun last night @ Two rows! Good times! And today I tanned and now I smell kinda stinky from tha lotion. Eck- ah well. Need a new job, folks- Anyone need a massage therapist?</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/342594"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>where have all the cowboys gone?</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">11.15.04 (11:33 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>I almost did a bad,bad thing last night! HAHA! So BAD but SOOO Good!</P><br><P>I have a major problem with being -well, unfulfilled-uh...yeah. I need to say f-u, in the nicest way possible- I think thats what he wants anyway. Hes very good at getting people to leave him, when he doesn't want to do the dirty work. What the hell am I to do? He's all hot to leave this city- so I tell him to go. "do what you need to do"- thats all I said. Im not going to beg him to stay. He needs to be around "creative' People, not all these losers here in dallas. Oh! there's a contradiction- remember? "you don't need other people to define who you are..." yeah right. Thanks for your time and lip service. I respect you, I love you, I believe in you, but you are not going to drag me down for no reason. Just so I can be left in the ruins when its all over. Can you be anymore destructive? Maybe I can't be creative on the out side, but you have no idea what goes on in my head- Trust me honey, I am a creative genius! I need to find someone that isn't going to quit- or leave when everything sux. Peace and love forever. </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/339931"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>hey...</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">11.10.04 (10:20 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>I am so bored all the time- Thats no good!</P><br><P>Work was a lot of fun last night. I really like working with Dianne- Its really weird, but these past months I've met so many people from El Paso its retarded! ( Thats where dianne is from) It just strikes me as weird. She's really cool! She is 24, married and seems over all happy with everything. I wish I was like that. It get's lonely being sad, stressed, and scared of everything! That's how I feel right now. I wig out alot in my head. it's like "what if this happens" all the time in there. Im such a freak! I wanna move out on my own, get married and everything but how can I trust someone that much. I do alot of things I shouldn't because I am human- But wheres the trust? I don't have it. Then Why do I do things with him that you only do with people you trust? It's almost like I forget, then later I remember and make myself sick. I think you can love someone and not trust them. It's just too complicated. On to another subject-My little Marky is joining the army! I am so scared for him. This is someone who has major problems with authority figures and for that reason I am scared. I pray for you, babe! Love to all!</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/336042"><b>2</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>simmer down now!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">11.03.04 (8:30 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3>Okay everybody- four more years- HAHA. Yeah thats right, I voted republican. But hey, Im still a good person... I am! You know what I hate the most about election time? All those adds on television- Pete Sessions and Martin Frost- WTF! Why does everyone have to slam eachother? why can't they make campagin adds that tell us some thing positive? Focus on promoting themselves insted of trash talking their opponents? I would be more likely to vote for some one who came up with the positives rather then negitives. I think it would show better leadership qualities. But thats my opinon- I hate politics.</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3>On to a better subject. check out <A href="http://www.tanznhandz.com">www.tanznhandz.com</A> im doing contract work here-Massage Therapy- its actually alot of fun! </FONT></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/330143"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>show me tha money!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.28.04 (1:03 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <FONT face="Courier New">Yep...I need some cash- big time! I had to pick up another job...Aveda isn't giving me any hours right now- so I am doing contract work for this lady @ a yoga studio (witch is totally cool) free yoga- But she's kind of abrasive. Any ways Im helping her with her business-trying to help her grow. She's a massage therapist who went to asten and has her own yoga deal going, she's a little critical. My interview was way weird. She wanted to know how good my "flexibility" is. Meaning physially not job wise. She also wanted to know "how many boyfriends do you have" She said she asked because she doesn't need Moody people with boyfriend problems working for her. Right on. Im up for learning but still. I don't know what my problem is- This is a good, positive, step but these next few weeks are going to be hell. until I can get more work hours i am close to destitution. I work on friday @ galleria-wednesday is training @ N. park and then I work @ N. park on friday. in between Im working for mitra, taking her yoga classes and doing work study @ Asten. Today's my last full day of doing nothing and I can honestly say YEA! I am going nutz watching endless hours of NYPD Blue in my jammies-till mommy gets home to scream her head off @ me for being so lazy. Ive decided my lack of motivation comes from my lack of movement. Its depressing in it self. I went to the doctor yesterday_- I truely hate the woman. She is one for the worst doctors-Ever. She moves her patients through her office like cattle- Spending ten min. with me and charging 55.00 for those preciouse ten min. of her and her nurse accusing me of being with child and then saying that I also have a stomach ulser-duh-But not to worry we wont be doing the pregnancy test today- I originally went to the doc. because I thought I might have some kind of female problems- Like cysts or endomitriosis- But I find it very difficult to talk to her about anything. Its not use- I need to make a "To-Do" list. I need to get it together. I drive my self crazy!!</FONT> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/324861"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>wow</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.26.04 (8:06 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P><FONT face=Georgia>" A kiss can be as minuscile as a moth or the tiny flame it craves, a torn fingernail or an eyelash; and yet a kiss can be huge. It can be expansive and dangerous. It can be the origin of a family."</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia>I have yet another interview today... Aveda's great- just not enough hours. I worked @ NE mall in Hurst on saturday for six hours doing chair massage. We had a "nuture with nature" Event- all the donations went to breast cancer research- It was fun but I picked up a cold- It seems like I am always sick with something. ah well. I have to go to the doctor anyways-I've been saying that for so long but I can't get my self to make an appointment. I loath the doctor.On to another subject: He got mad @ me last night, But in the mids of his screaming and yelling, he told me that he loved me for the first time. Almost five months- damn. Not very romantic. sceptical-as always, but needing to forget about love @ the moment- I need motivation. I need to go to the doctor.</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia></FONT> </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/322474"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>NEED SOME HELP WITH A NAME-</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.22.04 (5:46 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>ANY NAME IDEAS FOR A MASSAGE THERAPY BUSINESS? I NEED SOME CREATIVITY PEOPLE- AND NOTHING CHEZY OR CUTESY- PUT AN IDEA DOWN PLEASE!</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/319384"><b>2</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>my love!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.22.04 (4:30 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P><FONT face=Georgia>Sexy things can happen at the most unexpected times! hehe! Thats just how I like it. It's amazing how one action can make you go "oh yeah, this is why I am here- this is what it means" It means so much and now I know what I have to do. It feels good to know whats going on... Anyways-On to another subject,</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia><FONT size=5>I got a new job!</FONT> YEah! I feel so good about that and my interview with stacy's massage went really well-I hope. Well, I think- If I get these two jobs together that would be so rockin'. I would be bankin like no other! Good stuff- I have been trying to get my business plan together but its really hard! So confusing-Should I start out small or go ahead and do it big? gurr! Decisions, decisions... oh yeah and one more thing-</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia size=4>F * U CRYSTAL CAPTURE!</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia size=4>HAHAHA!</FONT></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/319322"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>a little help please?</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.18.04 (1:21 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P><FONT face=Georgia>How to start? </FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia>Thats tha problem...</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia>How? I wish I could figure it all out-Like Now! Its to complicated to start this small business! Its going to take years!! How do I apply for grants? How do I afford rent? and all that jazz... How am I gonna get this started?</FONT></P><br><P><FONT face=Georgia>GOO!</FONT></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/315725"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>nice</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.11.04 (1:58 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> I drove for miles and miles<BR>And wound up at your door<BR>I?ve had you so many times but somehow<BR>I want more<BR><BR>I don?t mind spending everyday<BR>Out on your corner in the pouring rain<BR>Look for the girl with the broken smile<BR>Ask her if she wants to stay awhile<BR>And she will be loved<BR>She will be loved<BR><BR>Tap on my window knock on my door<BR>I want to make you feel beautiful<BR>I know I tend to get insecure<BR>It doesn?t matter anymore<BR><BR>It?s not always rainbows and butterflies<BR>It?s compromise that moves us along<BR>My heart is full and my door?s always open<BR>You can come anytime you want<BR><BR>I don?t mind spending everyday<BR>Out on your corner in the pouring rain<BR>Look for the girl with the broken smile<BR>Ask her if she wants to stay awhile<BR>And she will be loved<BR>She will be loved<BR><BR>I know where you hide<BR>Alone in your car<BR>Know all of the things that make you who you are<BR>I know that goodbye means nothing at all<BR>Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/309671"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>From GOTH.NET</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.11.04 (11:45 am)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <TABLE class=center width=575 border=0><br><TBODY><br><TR><br><TD><br><DIV class=right><STRONG><FONT face=impact size=5>WHAT IS GOTH???</FONT></STRONG></DIV></TD></TR><br><TR><br><TD> <br><P>This is probably the hardest question any goth could try and answer, one may as well ask 'what is society?' as it has so many facets it defies any definitive explanation.</P><br><P>Goth in its simplest form, is a subculture. A group of people who feel comfortable within each others company. There is no specific thing that defines what you need to do or be to fit into the goth scene (except of course the implied black clothing). People in the goth scene all have different musical tastes, follow different religions, have different occupations, hobbies, and fashion sense.</P><br><H3>Why do people become goths?</H3><br><P>Most goths become goths because they have been spurned by 'normal' society because the way they want to live their lives does not fit in with how most people are told to live theirs. Goths are free thinkers, people who do not accept the moral rules of society because they're told 'This is just how it is' or 'This is what God says!'. Rather goths tend to listen to what you have to say, and make up their own mind. This kind of free thinking and rejection of dogma earns only rejection in todays society.</P><br><P>However because of this rejection from 'normal' society, goths have banded together to associate with other free thinkers. This has a beneficial effect on both the individual and society as a whole. For the individual they have a sense of belonging, and friends they can associate with. For society it removes one more misfit filled with rage from society's streets.</P><br><P>This of course is not the case for all goths. Many goths today are goths for a variety of other reasons. They like the music, or the clubs are better, they have goth friends and joined in with them, or they just like staying up late nights and goths are the only ones awake to talk to.</P><br><H3>The gothic stereotype</H3><br><P>Many stereotypes of goths exist these days. It seems everyone has their own way to define 'what is goth'. From the stereotypes based on clothing to music right up to the stereotypes of all goths being satanists or part of some kind of cult. Categorically, all of these are false.</P><br><P>The goth scene is just as widely varied as society in general. There are many different professions represented in the scene, from highly skilled professionals like doctors and lawyers, to tradesman, to technically minded people to clerical workers. Many different musical tastes exist (and not all of them goth, there is a HUGE 80's following in the goth scene for some reason). The fashion varies vastly from goth to goth from the traditional flowing victorian style garments to the buckled and studded style regalia (also called industrial style, which is often closely related with goths, and have come to an understanding of co-existance, if uneasily at times).</P><br><H3>How do I get into goth?</H3><br><P>This is the simplest part of the page. Go check out our Community section over on the left, and use it to find out whats going on in your local area. Goths tend to be accepting and open minded. Just turn up to a club or event wearing all black and your already in the goth scene. You'll pick it up as you go along (just a hint though, lay off the vampire comments!).</P><br><P>The gothic sense of humour is highly developed, and often leans toward the satirical. Quietly laughing at the more idiotic and less tolerant factions of society that seem to think yelling out of cars at us makes them cooler. Goths have learned to laugh at themselves and see society in a much different light. They have had to, and it is a trait most would not give up.</P><br><P>Goths have for the most part (not unanimously of course, but mostly) dropped all forms of prejudice. Noone is afraid within the goth scene to come out as being gay, and noone has to hide their religion for fear of scorn from their peers or zealots wanting to convert them from the arms of Satan. In fact because of these facts (and the general lack of prejudice) the goth scene has a large proportion of gays/bisexuals, and followers of non-mainstream religions and views. This of course is the most important aspect of gothdom, and why most goths became goths in the first place, tolerance.</P><br><H3>But they think weird!</H3><br><P>Ah, but this is the beauty of goths. Most subjects that are taboo in 'normal' society are freely discussed and debated about. Death, religion, magick, mysticism, and many other topics that are only roached carefully outside of the gothic community. Most goths have realised that fear is only a reaction instilled in us by dogmatic propaganda, and once you realise there is nothing to fear from the topic, whats to stop you discussing it?</P><br><P>Goths often revel in the fear given to them by society as a whole. Often the behavior exhibited by society to them based on society's perception of them from stereotypes, rumour, etc are a constant source of entertainment. Of course, most of the rumours are totally unfounded, goths are people like everyone else, however when you already have a reputation, going for the shock factor is often far too tempting to see how much society at large is willing to believe (or deduce) with only a little encouragement.</P><br><P>This does not totally fall away once you get inside the scene unfortunately, and goths are all too often tempted to try for the shock factor within the scene (which turns out more tacky than shocking). Goths when you get down to it can be a rather pretentious bunch, trying for those extra 'goth points' on the gothier than thou scale, but it adds to the enjoyment.</P><br><H3>History of Goth</H3><br><P>Modern goth (ignoring where the name itself originally comes from) started in the early 80's as part of the punk subculture (which is itself was a rejection of most societal values, and anything considered part of the 'norm'). The phrase was coined by the band manager of Joy Division, Anthony H. Wilson, who described the band as 'Gothic compared with the pop mainstream'. The term stuck, and as punk eventually died, Goth survived and became its own subculture. The punk clothing and hairstyles mellowed, and the core 'rejection of society' attitude alone lived on in the gothic subculture. Over time this itself has been modified to be more of a 'no more blind acceptance of society's values' as opposed to rejection because it was there to be rejected (and because you could get away with it!).</P><br><P>Movies such as The Crow, and bands such as the Bauhaus helped establish the gothic image as dark, depressing, and even evil. As more and more 'dark' movies came out, numbers in the gothic subculture expanded, and there is now a gothic community in almost every major city around the world, and quite a number of towns have their own representative contingent. Nowdays there are more goth bands around than ever, and it has turned from an 80's phenomenon into a 90's way of life for many people. Unlike the punk subculture that it spawned from, there even exists a class of mature goths, still following the scene around even past their 20's and into their 30's and beyond.</P><br><P> -- <A onmouseover="window.status='Email PreZ'; return true" onmouseout="window.status=' '; return true" href="mailto:prez@goth.net">PreZ</A></P></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/309571"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>Nice!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.05.04 (12:32 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P><img src="<A href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v185/henrietta/cockjaw.jpg">http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v185/henrietta /cockjaw.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v185/henrietta /cockjaw.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...</a></A>"></P><br><P>Check out this pic! HAHAHA Good stuff</P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/304623"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>alright</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">10.01.04 (7:54 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>Fine... I know you didn't call me names...But I didn't call you an over dramatic bitch-Nor did I <STRONG><FONT face="Courier New" size=3>analyze your life...I dont know where you are getting that. I don't hate you either- I hope you get that closure that you are looking for and have a wonderful life and are sucessful at whatever you do-You wanted the truth,and I gave it. You said you were cool with it-but now you've changed your mind...You are right, I don't want to argue , whats done is done.</FONT></STRONG></P><br><P><STRONG><FONT face="Courier New" size=3>All I can say is that everything will turn out just how its suppose to. </FONT></STRONG></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/301610"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>Okay, so I lied-A little</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">09.29.04 (12:52 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." --R. W. Emerson</P><br><P>Look, I know I said I would never write in this blog again but I am going to do it anyways.</P><br><P>Im sorry I hurt You- Im sorry you feel betrayed, I don't know what else to say but that im sorry and now I wish that I could run away-I wish I had never answered your phone call because then you wouldn't have to deal with the facts. What ever they may be. I know it seems like you got delt the shitty side of everything but sometimes things like this happen. Ive been on both sides of this situation and I know the pain all to well. But you do get over it. Actually, I take that comment about not answering the phone back... Im glad that I told the truth-It was hard for me too. I hate the fact that I was hiding things. Annabells dad was right. Im unhappy with myself and with my choices in the last two years. Whatever is going on with him is unknown-I dont know how I feel, I dont know who I am. I know what I want but I cant have it with out being happy with myself-like you said-</P><br><P>He's special to me< </P><br><P>Yes, I said You deserved Better, Yes, I said He was No Good, And yes, I said I hated the way he treated you. But he treats me differently. Maybe he just wanted sex from you or maybe he was confused- I have no doubt in my mind that what happend between you two actually happened. I know what happened-and it makes me sick that he would do these things but sometimes mistakes are made. Maybe some of those mistakes were yours too. I dont know If I will be with him much longer- Im having issues with me. Im trying to do the best I can with what Ive got together, and right now its not alot. This has been one of the hardest summers (for all of us) I know you are doing really great- You've got some great friends at work and you said yourself that you are happier with this new group, so why would you want to come back around to all of this? Yes, we had some great times and lots of laughs-it was fun, but now its different. You feel like I betrayed you- and maybe I did. I'm sorry I hurt you. Remember those things you were saying about how cindy's getting jelouse of your relationship with annabell? How she gets mad when you dont always call her back? That was my feelings towards you. You understand now how fustrating it is to deal with a jelouse friend. He wasn't the reason we stoped being so close, we talked about this even before HE was a factor- You've said some mean things in the past about me and other people. Probably out of sheer anger or fustration and sadness but YES people read your journal-Its your private thoughts- so keep them private or know that there will be repercussions... You have every right to put down any thought you have- but remember that these people will take it personally and will be hurt as well- you arn't the only one who hurts or who has tears even though some of us arn't as open to showing our emotions. Those of us who were taught that emotions are weaknesses and shouldn't be let out for everyone to see. If you cant be fine with the fact that im sleeping with someone from your past then fine- You are right, Call me Judas, I have betrayed you- </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/299376"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>screw it</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">09.01.04 (3:49 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>okay, lots of things are different and thats good...very good. I am getting it together- new job and new ideas- lots of new ideas. To people I use to know... I may sound like a bitch- or off balance but its the opposite. I am taking care of my self- becoming balanced and helping others understand whats important. I can't be resonsible for other's lives, feelings, raw emotions. Its to much and being a true friend one needs to learn how to regulate their emotions and learn to be in control of how they feel. You need to know how to be responcible for your emotions- take care of your business- dont expect others to be there to pick you up everytime. everyone has their own problems and burdens to bare. if you want people to think of you as a friend and not as a time filler you need to know your emotional boundries and recognise the fact that the people you associate with want to have fun- thats why they stick around. Because they want company that takes their mind off the daily grind and all their other obligations. when you make yourself an obligation to others they tend to cut you out- its to much liability. No one wants to be pressured in to doing someting- Being flexible and understanding is a friend. Not overbearing and demanding.</P><br><P>new person in my life, whom i am falling so hard for its crazy-I never thought like this before. i love it and im very excited to see where it goes.</P><br><P>I probably wont be writing in here anymore because I am wanting my life to be more private. It's important to me to know who knows what about me and whos peeking around where. I think writing about other people in an online (web log ) is dumb because they are going to read what you write about them- Its just human. Its kool- its just not for me anymore and i do have alot to bitch/ talk about. but I wont do it here. I like my "simplified life" and wish to keep it this way. getting on a sch. is helping me accomplish so much- Im able to take control of my money and other things that were totally out of control in my life. I love it. I am planning on leaving in a few mo. signing a 6 mo. contract with a cruse ship- probably in feb. then coming home and getting an apartment for a few more mo. and then who knows???? Maybe marrage? HAHA- he's already talking about this possibility. Even though Im trying hard not to listen- I can see it happening in the next two years. its just ...when you know- you know. and there's that feeling. I want babies- BAD. we are both ready for growth and development in our lackluster lives and I know we would make each other very happy. Hopefully he feels the same. But I think he does.</P><br><P>I am very happy with all my decisions that I have made in the past two months- I don't regret any of them. Its about knowing what makes you happy and what cruds up your life. What brings you ultimate happyness and what stresses you out to know end. Then dumping everything you can dump that stresses you out- clean slate- to be happy and healthy. </P><br><P>My out look is much healthier, im happy, and im taking care of everything with ease. If you feel offended by this entry- im sorry but as others have said to me and as I have said to others...Take care of #1 at this point in your life (when you are a young adult) Your actions now can adversly effect your life later.</P><br><P> </P><br><P> </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/275107"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>I QUIT!</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">08.19.04 (1:36 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>HAHAHA</P><br><P>I am so very happy! Sunday is my last day in this hell hole of a job. I got a bad ass job @ a dealership! Makin some good money! Set sch. and ten an hour and of course the best part!!!!!!! FAR AWAY from ken.</P><br><P>He's pissed @ me and tring to give me shit. TO BAD I DONT CARE ANYMORE!</P><br><P>HAHAHAHA! Today is a good day!</P><br><P><FONT face=impact>HAHAHAH This shit makes me Laugh! Thanks Emily!!!!</FONT></P><br><P>If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!<BR><BR>Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord.<BR><BR>Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:<BR><BR>-Frequently wears black clothing.<BR><BR>-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.<BR><BR>-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.<BR><BR>-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.<BR><BR>-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.<BR><BR>-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)<BR><BR>-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.<BR><BR>-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.<BR><BR>-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. <BR><BR>-Takes drugs. <BR><BR>-Drinks alcohol. <BR><BR>-Is suicidal and/or depressed. <BR><BR>-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and, His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)<BR><BR>-Complains of boredom.<BR><BR>-Sleeps too excessively or too little.<BR><BR>-Is excessively awake during the night.<BR><BR>-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)<BR><BR>-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. <BR><BR>-Spends large amounts of time alone.<BR><BR>-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)<BR><BR>-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.<BR><BR>-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.<BR><BR>-Misbehaves at school.<BR><BR>-Misbehaves at home.<BR><BR>-Eats excessively or too little.<BR><BR>-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. <BR><BR>-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)<BR><BR>-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)<BR><BR>-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.<BR><BR>-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.<BR><BR>-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. <BR><BR>-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.<BR><BR>-Expresses an interest in sex.<BR><BR>-Masturbates<BR><BR>-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.<BR><BR>-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.<BR><BR>-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".<BR><BR>-Claims to be a goth.<BR><BR>If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene<BR>immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.<BR><BR>~St. Mary's Catholic Church<BR></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/264558"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>My Angel</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">08.17.04 (2:27 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P><FONT size=6>Goodnight, my angel<BR></FONT>Time to close your eyes<BR>And save these questions for another day<BR><FONT size=5>I think I know what you've been asking me<BR></FONT>I think you know what I've been trying to say<BR>I promised I would never leave you<BR><FONT size=4>And you should always know<BR></FONT>Wherever you may go<BR>No matter where you are<BR><FONT size=5>I never will be far away<BR></FONT><BR><FONT size=6>Goodnight, my angel<BR></FONT>Now it's time to sleep<BR>And still so many things I want to say<BR>Remember all the songs you sang for me<BR><FONT size=5>When we went sailing on an emerald bay<BR></FONT>And like a boat out on the ocean<BR><FONT size=4>I'm rocking you to sleep</FONT><BR>The water's dark and deep<BR>And deep inside this ancient heart<BR><FONT size=5>You'll always be a part of me<BR></FONT><BR>Goodnight, my angel<BR>Now it's time to dream<BR>And dream how wonderful your life will be<BR><FONT size=4>Someday your child may cry<BR></FONT>And if you sing this lullabye<BR>Then in your heart<BR><FONT size=5>There will always be a part of me<BR></FONT><BR><FONT size=5>Someday we'll all be gone<BR></FONT>But lullabyes go on and on...<BR>They never die<BR><FONT size=4>That's how you<BR>And I<BR>Will be<BR></FONT></P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/262767"><b>2</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table></td> </td> </tr> </table> <br> </body> </html>