<style> cal-border { border: 1px solid #ffffff; } .tblog-all-border{ border-top: 9px solid #666666; border-right: 9px solid #666666; border-bottom: 9px solid #666666; border-left: 9px solid #666666; background: silver; } .tblog-side-border{ border-right: 9px solid #666666; border-bottom: 9px solid #666666; border-left: 9px solid #666666; background: #EEEEEE; } .tblog-side-nav-links{ font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; color: #000000; width: 135px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-style: solid; border-left-style: none; border-bottom-color: #000000; text-decoration: none; padding: 3px; } .tblog-side-nav-links:hover{ font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; color: #ffffff; width: 135px; text-decoration: none; background: #000000; padding: 3px; } h1 { color: black; font-family: Verdana; } a { color: black; } td { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; } body { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11 px; background: #eee url("bg-fill.gif"); } .tblog-content { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; line-height: 22px; color: black; } .tblog-content-back { background: white; } .tblog-subject { font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: 3px; color: #336699; background: #98C54B; } </style> <script language="JavaScript">  </script> </head> <body leftmargin="0" topmargin="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" class="tblog-body" bgcolor="silver"> <table width="620" height="125" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td valign="top" bgcolor="#CCCCCC" class="tblog-all-border"><h1>My Blog Site</h1> <p class="tblog-content">by: <strong>username</strong></p></td> </tr> </table> <table width="620" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td width="135" valign="top" class="tblog-side-border"> <p><strong>Archives</strong><br> <a href="archive/2005/02/">2005 February</a><br /> <a href="archive/2005/01/">2005 January</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/12/">2004 December</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/11/">2004 November</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/10/">2004 October</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/09/">2004 September</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/08/">2004 August</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/07/">2004 July</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/06/">2004 June</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/05/">2004 May</a><br /> <a href="archive/2004/04/">2004 April</a><br /> </p><strong>MyLinks</strong><br> <a href="http://tangoland.com/">Red Tango</a><br> <a href="http://www.bust.com">Bust</a><br> <a href="http://www.austincraftmafia.com/">Austin Craft Mafia!</a><br> <a href="http://www.shopodd.com">The cotton factory</a><br> <a href="http://www.palmercash.com">Palmer Cash Tees</a><br> <a href="http://">Favorite bands!!!!</a><br> <a href="http://www.thecure.com">The Cure!!!</a><br> <a href="http://www.bobschneidermusic.com/">Bob schneider</a><br> <a href="http://www.blacktiedynasty.com">Black Tie Dynasty</a><br> <a href="http://www.toriamos.com">Tori</a><br> <a href="http://www.fleetwoodmac.com/home.php">fleetwood mac</a><br> <a href="http://www.gypsytearoom.com">The Gypsy Tea Room</a><br> <a href="http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bangbangbang.shtml">Funny Link</a><br> <a href="http://">READS</a><br> <a href="http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/gibran1.htm">Juan Cole's Kahlil Gibran Page</a><br> <a href="http://www.rainn.org/">rainn</a><br> <a href="http://www.henriettapusykat.blogspot.com">My Old Blog</a><br> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Cyprus/2253/Goddesses.html">Goddesses</a><br> <a href="http://www.heartless-bitches.com/">Heartless bitches</a><br> <a href="http://www.cafeshops.com/hillary1469">Massage Shop</a><br> <a href="http://www.massagewarehouse.com">massage warehouse</a><br> <a href="http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/sugirl06/my_photos">TIFF'S PIX</a><br> <a href="http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/henriettapusykat21/my_photos">My Pictures</a><br> <a href="http://www.lormusic.com">tiff's boyfriends band in FL.</a><br> <a href="http://www.elite-massage.us">Elite</a><br> <p align="left"><TBLOG_SIDE_NAV></p></p> <p> <div align="center"></div></p> </td> <td valign="top" class="tblog-content-back"> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tr> <td class="tblog-content" valign="top"> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>Okay, so I lied-A little</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">09.29.04 (12:52 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>"Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies." --R. W. Emerson</P><br><P>Look, I know I said I would never write in this blog again but I am going to do it anyways.</P><br><P>Im sorry I hurt You- Im sorry you feel betrayed, I don't know what else to say but that im sorry and now I wish that I could run away-I wish I had never answered your phone call because then you wouldn't have to deal with the facts. What ever they may be. I know it seems like you got delt the shitty side of everything but sometimes things like this happen. Ive been on both sides of this situation and I know the pain all to well. But you do get over it. Actually, I take that comment about not answering the phone back... Im glad that I told the truth-It was hard for me too. I hate the fact that I was hiding things. Annabells dad was right. Im unhappy with myself and with my choices in the last two years. Whatever is going on with him is unknown-I dont know how I feel, I dont know who I am. I know what I want but I cant have it with out being happy with myself-like you said-</P><br><P>He's special to me< </P><br><P>Yes, I said You deserved Better, Yes, I said He was No Good, And yes, I said I hated the way he treated you. But he treats me differently. Maybe he just wanted sex from you or maybe he was confused- I have no doubt in my mind that what happend between you two actually happened. I know what happened-and it makes me sick that he would do these things but sometimes mistakes are made. Maybe some of those mistakes were yours too. I dont know If I will be with him much longer- Im having issues with me. Im trying to do the best I can with what Ive got together, and right now its not alot. This has been one of the hardest summers (for all of us) I know you are doing really great- You've got some great friends at work and you said yourself that you are happier with this new group, so why would you want to come back around to all of this? Yes, we had some great times and lots of laughs-it was fun, but now its different. You feel like I betrayed you- and maybe I did. I'm sorry I hurt you. Remember those things you were saying about how cindy's getting jelouse of your relationship with annabell? How she gets mad when you dont always call her back? That was my feelings towards you. You understand now how fustrating it is to deal with a jelouse friend. He wasn't the reason we stoped being so close, we talked about this even before HE was a factor- You've said some mean things in the past about me and other people. Probably out of sheer anger or fustration and sadness but YES people read your journal-Its your private thoughts- so keep them private or know that there will be repercussions... You have every right to put down any thought you have- but remember that these people will take it personally and will be hurt as well- you arn't the only one who hurts or who has tears even though some of us arn't as open to showing our emotions. Those of us who were taught that emotions are weaknesses and shouldn't be let out for everyone to see. If you cant be fine with the fact that im sleeping with someone from your past then fine- You are right, Call me Judas, I have betrayed you- </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/299376"><b>1</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> <table width="100%" border="0" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="3"> <tr> <td class="subject"><strong>screw it</strong></td> </tr> <tr> <td class="date">09.01.04 (3:49 pm)</td> </tr> <tr> <td class="tblog-content"> <P>okay, lots of things are different and thats good...very good. I am getting it together- new job and new ideas- lots of new ideas. To people I use to know... I may sound like a bitch- or off balance but its the opposite. I am taking care of my self- becoming balanced and helping others understand whats important. I can't be resonsible for other's lives, feelings, raw emotions. Its to much and being a true friend one needs to learn how to regulate their emotions and learn to be in control of how they feel. You need to know how to be responcible for your emotions- take care of your business- dont expect others to be there to pick you up everytime. everyone has their own problems and burdens to bare. if you want people to think of you as a friend and not as a time filler you need to know your emotional boundries and recognise the fact that the people you associate with want to have fun- thats why they stick around. Because they want company that takes their mind off the daily grind and all their other obligations. when you make yourself an obligation to others they tend to cut you out- its to much liability. No one wants to be pressured in to doing someting- Being flexible and understanding is a friend. Not overbearing and demanding.</P><br><P>new person in my life, whom i am falling so hard for its crazy-I never thought like this before. i love it and im very excited to see where it goes.</P><br><P>I probably wont be writing in here anymore because I am wanting my life to be more private. It's important to me to know who knows what about me and whos peeking around where. I think writing about other people in an online (web log ) is dumb because they are going to read what you write about them- Its just human. Its kool- its just not for me anymore and i do have alot to bitch/ talk about. but I wont do it here. I like my "simplified life" and wish to keep it this way. getting on a sch. is helping me accomplish so much- Im able to take control of my money and other things that were totally out of control in my life. I love it. I am planning on leaving in a few mo. signing a 6 mo. contract with a cruse ship- probably in feb. then coming home and getting an apartment for a few more mo. and then who knows???? Maybe marrage? HAHA- he's already talking about this possibility. Even though Im trying hard not to listen- I can see it happening in the next two years. its just ...when you know- you know. and there's that feeling. I want babies- BAD. we are both ready for growth and development in our lackluster lives and I know we would make each other very happy. Hopefully he feels the same. But I think he does.</P><br><P>I am very happy with all my decisions that I have made in the past two months- I don't regret any of them. Its about knowing what makes you happy and what cruds up your life. What brings you ultimate happyness and what stresses you out to know end. Then dumping everything you can dump that stresses you out- clean slate- to be happy and healthy. </P><br><P>My out look is much healthier, im happy, and im taking care of everything with ease. If you feel offended by this entry- im sorry but as others have said to me and as I have said to others...Take care of #1 at this point in your life (when you are a young adult) Your actions now can adversly effect your life later.</P><br><P> </P><br><P> </P> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right" class="tblog-content"> <a href="post/275107"><b>0</b> Comments</a> </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="right"> </td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table></td> </td> </tr> </table> <br> </body> </html>